I Miss Home… A LOT

 Being homesick is okay

Growing up I always dreamed of being as far away from my home as possible. There were many factors that made me have this mindset. As much as I loved spending time with my parents, I was always looking forward to leaving my boring hometown, and being more independent. 

My mom would always describe me as an independent child, that I could take care of myself, and that I was ready for whatever the world threw at me. When my mom described me like that, it is funny to me because it did not feel like that sometimes, if anything I felt like my parents were constantly babying me, and wanting me to become someone who I was not.

Time jump to when I was moving into my dorm room freshman year, I was so excited to be living on my own, making my own schedule, and having that sense of independence that I didn't feel like I had at home.

However as the quarter went by, I realized how much I actually missed home, how I missed seeing my parents coming home from work and catching up, and especially my mom’s food. I hated to admit it, but I was homesick. Maybe it was because I  moved in during the fall quarter of 2020 when there was hardly anyone on campus, or maybe it is because I actually realized how much I didn't value my time at home as I should have. 

I ended up moving back home for the rest of my freshman year and that was so much better especially for my mental health because it was not the best during that fall quarter. Even last year (sophomore year) when I was on campus for the full school year I was constantly homesick, I found myself missing my parents, my room at home, and how things were so much more accessible (grocery stores, restaurants, entertainment like theaters, etc). I had an established group of friends but I still missed my parents. I didn't get to go home as often but when I did I made sure to make it count and spend time with my parents. 

As I am in my third year here at PUC, I still get homesick, even more so now because I do not get to go home as often as I did in my previous two years. I only go home during school breaks and its so hard to not get the feeling of FOMO when my parents send me pictures of them and what they are doing

Sometimes I think about how I told my mom that I wanted to go to PUC because I wanted to be far from home, but not enough for me to miss home. I laugh and then start to think about how ironic that is, because even though it's only two hours from home, I find myself missing home and feeling so far from it. 

I hope to not fail my driver's test again and get my license soon so I can go home whenever I want and not just during breaks. I also have come to terms with the fact that it's okay to miss home and the feeling of being taken care of.