Please dont look me in the eyes.

For some reason in my life I have always been misunderstood when it comes to respect. I always feel like I go out of my way to give it but sometimes people tend to not feel the love when it comes from me. Is it my demeanor or maybe is it because I do not look people in the eyes all the time? I personally do not think it is rude and people dont look me in the eyes all the time and I do not take it personally. It is a personality thing, it is not a respect thing. I sometimes feel trapped in my mind in the sense of like the environment I was raised in. I was never really taught to look people in the eyes. I feel like growing up in Stockton people just play by an unestablished set of rules that doesn't really exist and sometimes these rules are made known as unofficial law. It was law for me growing up to not store at people or look them in the eyes too long. That was considered a sign of disrespect or an invitation of confrontation without reason. I have seen countless stare offs turn into confrontation and that confrontation turn into an altercation. So sometimes I have to realize where I'm at. I'm at Pacific Union College in Angwin, California right now I can look a person in the eyes. It is okay. Sometimes we have to allow ourselves to adjust to things being how they are now no matter what we know or what we come from. Sometimes the devil tries to steal our joy by not wanting us to feel the love and comfort that comes with change and myself. I have personally dealt with struggling to allow myself to be happy or let my guard down. But as I pray more and more I feel God often comforting me in times of doubt and self neglect.