get me out of here!

i am absolutely tired of school. it has been 17 years. 

17 years of homework. 17 years of exams. 17 years of projects. 17 years of showing up to class. 

not to sound cliche, but senioritis is 100% real and i have fallen ill to such a disease. the academic workload feels heavier than ever and i'm holding on to the final shreds of motivation i have left. 

the truth is i have no energy to complete any more assignments, even ones i find somewhat enjoyable. even this blog entry feels like such a heavy weight on my shoulders despite the fact that it is the most enjoyable and leisurely assignment from all of my classes. 

in my entry last week i said that college has the ability to make good habits seem like torture and self-sabotage seem like self-care. nothing has ever felt truer than that statement does right now. 

case in point: writing these blog entries is probably one of the most therapeutic and creatively stimulating things i could do. yet, here i sit on a Wednesday night at 10:00pm, desperately attempting to meet 250 words so that i can finally go to sleep knowing my assignment was completed on time. 

listen, some days it all comes easy and feels enjoyable. other days, i remember i've been doing the same bs for 17 years and i'm sick of it. 

maybe if i was getting paid to do this, i would have more motivation. but PAYING??? LOTS OF MONEY???? GOING INTO DEBT???? All to be sleep deprived and burned out while also being too broke to afford basic necessities and too busy with school to work enough hours?????? what kind of scam is this?!?!?

catch me on another day and perhaps i'll sound more optimistic. but today? today, i'm sick of it. today i have nothing else to say but, "get me out of here!!" 

sincerely, 

jenica nieto

blog #5